I have been longing to
write about this. I just couldn’t find the right time. Too busy? Naa. I don’t
wanna find excuses for it. But I really want to make sure that I am all ready
to bear the pain telling stories over the year and spit all out here at one go.
I don’t want to miss out anything. Before I forget anything about Dad.
PART II - THE INTERVIEW
I spent the whole
summer at home with Dad and Mum. I am really glad that Sis was sticking around
and went through ups and downs with me. She is strong, genuinely strong. Only
God knows how much pain she has been borne and how much pain she has put in
since that life-changing event. Not just Dad’s lifestyle changing, you see.
Ours did, too. But we have to understand that life goes on, and dreams remain. Too
cliché? I know it might sound a little harsh and selfish, but we can’t stop
moving forward just because Dad is ill, and Mum needs us more than ever.
The very last night before
leaving for the UK, I interviewed Dad. For the first time, I had the longest
conversation with Dad in my life, ever. I wished I could have done this a
little bit earlier, but that’s how forgetful people are. We fear to lose only when
the uncertainties come. We start to appreciate more only when the end is near.
Well, what’s the last
thing you want when you just finished interviewing your dad for over an hour
and that might be the very last face-to-face conversation with him? Lost the
footage. Correct. I lost the fking footage. That was two months ago. I tried to
recover it from softwares online, but I did not succeed. I was desperate to get
it recovered. But it was too expensive for me to send it to get it done
professionally. And, I trust no one to do the job (KRAI). I didn’t want to tell
Mum about this, she was quite looking forward to that video I would say. After
a week or so, I told Sis. She didn’t say things like “you can’t value that with
money, just get it done at the shop no matter how much it cost …” Instead, she
said, why don’t you write it down while you can still remember most of it.
Q: What do you
remember most about your parents (grandma and granda)?
A: I don’t really
remember my father anymore. He died when I was only 7. And Grandma raised us
kids alone. She’s a very strict mother, beat me up sometimes. Memories are
vague, but I can remember I was working for her most of the time. Feeding the
animals, rubber tapping… Just because I’m the eldest son in the family. My younger
brothers didn’t really need to work as much. What is happening today, does
bother me a lot. I mean, I’m not hoping for a payback for what I’ve done. I’m
just simply hoping for fairness.
Q: How did you meet
Mum and know she was the one?
(I’ve been told about stories
with different versions: Sports Day in high school because Mum was the
prettiest athlete; Dad was Mum’s brother’s classmate when they were in Standard
One (WTH, when they were 7?) I am always feeling sceptical about them, but I
just couldn’t figure it out how the hell they met. And finally, Dad spit it out
haha.)
A: Well, there’s one
day, your (late) Aunt’s husband came to me and told me that there’s a very
pretty girl came to the rubber trees farm with her big brother. There you go.
HAHAHA Then we started to write to each other. (OKAY, this bit is real sweet.
Letters! Old school way of lovey-dovey huh. I still remember when I was quite
young, Mum always hide those letters from us.) I can still remember them
feelings when you sent out a letter and waiting for her reply anxiously,
although you know that would probably takes at least a month to happen. But
that excitement is something that can’t be replaced with technology nowadays.
(Alright Dad, I got your point here.)
(I mean… Real life
HIMYM huh? Haha. I was expecting a really, really romantic incident tho. Oh
well.)
Q: How did you choose
your career and what was your favourite part about it?
A: I was clueless that
time, tbh. People in the village are not well-educated. No one could give me
useful guidance about my future career. I even thought of living as a farmer
for my whole life in the village. But luckily I had your Mum. I went to the
institution, left the small village and had a new life. If it wasn’t your Mum, we’re
probably still living in that small, dusty village, have no life visions and
that’s gonna be our whole life.
Being a teacher is a
really fruitful journey to me. I taught in so many different places, met so
many different colleagues and students. Their life stories taught me lessons
too. And I guess, that’s the favourite part of it. Gosh, it’s been almost … 33
years of teaching. And now, I’m finally retired. A little bit earlier than I
expected, but that’s life, it’s always unexpected.
Q: When you think
about Mum, how would you describe her? What message do you have for Mum that
you want her to always keep in mind?
A: Mum is naggy. I can’t
deny this, but I know her good intentions behind those nags. She is very caring
and works very hard for our family. She is a very strong woman. I still
remember the first day after we got married, she had to feed the duck early in
the morning and did all the household chores. I did feel bad for her but I am
very glad that we managed to move away from the small village and start our own
family life in Bahau. We’ve been married for almost 30 years. There is too much
to say about her. But I am very grateful to have her as my wife. Never regret a
single moment in my life. I want to thank her for taking care of our home and
kids for so many years. And for taking care of me when I am ill. Patients are
suffering, but the primary carers bear the most pain in fact. She did a really
great job in taking care of me for the past 6 months. Maybe she is the reason
why I am still breathing today.
My message to her …
Don’t be too upset when I leave one day. Life goes on. I hope you will still be
happy as ever without me. Go and visit the kids. In the UK, or Singapore. Travel
around with them. Do more charity/volunteering if you want to, if that makes
you happy. We had a really decent life together for the past 28 years. And all
I want for my life, is to see you and the kids to live a healthy and happy
life. Nothing much. Don’t worry too much about money. Sell the properties if
you or the kids need money. That’s the reason why I worked so hard for the past
years. Thank you for everything, and I love you.
Q: Were you ever
scared to be a parent? What message do you have for me, Sis and Bro that you
want us to always keep in mind?
A: Scared? No, never. I
always try my best to give my children the best education and best life. You,
Sis and Bro are my highest achievement in my life. Look at you guys. Two
doctors and a lawyer in making. I cannot be more proud of you.
Messages: Don’t be too
upset when I leave too. I lost my father when I was 7. Well, I couldn’t
remember how it felt like, but I am sure you can pull it through. You are all
strong kids, you know. You’ve been to boarding schools since 16, and now you’re
even living overseas, alone! That’s very independent. Daddy always wish for the
best for your future, no matter I’m still here, or not. I hope Bro and Sis can
get married soon, have a happy and stable family foundation. And you, I hope
you can find someone who can really love you with all his heart and take care
of you. When you are about to make any big decisions, think of the people
around you, talk to us, and think it through. No matter what decision you have
to make, be ready to bear the consequences, no matter good or bad, that’s life.
And take care of Mummy for me. She is strong, but she can’t really stand
loneliness. Sometimes she nags, just because she needs someone to talk to. I
know her well. Call her more if you can’t come home too often. That would make
her really happy.
(I did not reveal the
whole message here. Well, some of the messages are meant to be kept in my
heart.)
Q: What were the best
decisions you’ve ever made?
A: Firstly, married to
your Mum. It really changed my life. We left the village and start our own life
in the town. She is a really good wife. She is the one who stayed with me for
so many years. We’d been through ups and downs together. I am really happy to
have her. Life companion is very important. Choose your life partner wisely,
okay.
Second, education plan
for my children. Me and your Mum didn’t have much money back then, but we
wanted to give you the best. We spent a lot on children encyclopaedias, bought
a very expensive piano, sent three of you to piano classes for 10 years (Jeez,
that’s hell lot of money, and with all them exam fees). And that’s what made
you today! My children are excellent. Scholarships, graduated from top university
in the country, have/going to have excellent degrees … I couldn’t ask for more.
Lastly, those good
investments I’ve made. Those investments did make me worry less when I am ill.
Because I know I will not have zero income once I stop working.
Q: What were the worst
decisions you’ve ever made?
A: I made bad investments
too, of course. The goats … I mean, we keep trying new things in life, you see.
When you fail, people might laugh at you but you don’t give up. You stand
back up and keep trying.
I’m not sure if smoking
is the main cause of my illness. I mean, non-smokers get this illness too. But
I know it’s a really bad habit. Maybe smoking kinda worsen my condition. Maybe,
if I wasn’t a smoker, maybe, I’ll have 10 more years of life. Maybe. I’ve been
smoking for years. Mum had been nagging for years. Of course I thought of
quitting at times, but I never really did. That’s my worst decision I’ve ever
made in my life, I guess.
Q: What have you learned
in life?
A: People look up to
rich ones and give no shit to the rest. That’s the ugly truth. I had friends
around me when I was doing quite well. And they all disappeared all of sudden
after events. I never go out with Uncle X and Y for a very long time since
forever, you must have noticed that. Make good friends, know their background, and
keep good connections. Your coursemates or friends you’re making now, they
might be your colleagues or even bosses in future. Be kind and always do the
right things.
I was poor. I grew up
in a very poor family. We had only sandy floor in our house, no joke. I am
scared to be poor for my whole life. So I worked very hard to make sure that my
family will not have to worry about money. It is very important that you meet
the correct people during the process. I’ve tried almost everything. I did
investments in different things. But you have to keep trying, you see. Failures
are lessons. Do not give up easily. Keep trying while you’re still young. I did
bad investments, of course. But I did very good ones too. You know which is my
best? The investments in three of you.
Planning is important.
Mum and I had plans for our family. Our 5-year-plan, 10-year-plan. We always
try to plan ahead. But you know what, we never planned for this. It is ironic.
Remember the uncle live next to us? He has been coughing the day when we move
in. He has been coughing for over 27 years! And I am the one who get this
illness after coughing for 3 months. We need to plan ahead, but always be
positive to any unexpected changes. Daddy is very positive, you see. But time
is limited. If there’s something you want to do, do it while you can.
Q: What are you most
thankful for?
A: You might be
surprised. I am thankful for getting this illness, instead of other kind of
diseases that I could just die in days. It’s not fun to live as a ticking bomb.
But I am grateful that I have time to reflect and appreciate people and things
around me more before I leave this world behind. I was shocked when I was first
diagnosed, Prof told me that my time left was gonna be counted by months. First
thought in my head was, things that I haven’t done in my life. But now, I’m
feeling very positive towards this. I’d achieved great things in life – my family,
children and career. I am satisfied with what I’ve done, and I will enjoy the
rest of my life, no matter how much time is left.
After over an hour and a half, I walked out from Dad’s room with a teary face and saw Mum falling asleep in the couch. I woke her up and told her the interview was over. I carefully put my GoPro in my bag, and continued to pack my luggage to get ready to fly back to the UK.
Well, not too careful handling the footage, but as Dad said, 'always be positive to unexpected changes'. Maybe the actual conversation is meant to be kept in my heart as a memory. And here I am, trying to trace the feelings back through expressing them out with words, based on my memory. They might not be as accurate as it was, but I know, one day when I re-read this, I'm sure that I'll find them feelings crystal clear again, just like how I'm feeling right now. :')
Here's a picture of me and Dad when we both look our best. :) (Before family portrait shooting)
